Drinkin again

At Applebee's listening to some old school hip hop music. What a fragile thing time is 

Published

I just published a bunch of drafts I had saved here so the dates are gonna be messed up. I just wanted to get them out 

Hungover

I went out drinking down port Jefferson last night. Ashley drove. I found $16 in the street and then Ashley found a $20 at a bar. That was a really nice suprise and helped the night along. At some point she looked thru my text messages and saw that I complained about her being annoying and such to my friend bridget, and Ashley lost her shit.

 The drive home turned into a screaming match.

And then of course Ashley cannot handle arguments so she has to pull over to break down crying. 

Idk what to do anymore man. This relationship is really heavy on me. 

Beware rant ahead

Holy sheeeeeit there has been so much going on with me that I haven't been writing about. I'm changing to be an English major! I want to stick with it and graduate. Margaret Hanley, my advisor, seems very cultured and educated. I'm intimidated by her honestly. 

I've also been smoking way way too much. I just need to chill out more 

John fogerty

Saw him in concert earlier tonight. I just got home and out of the shower.  (it's 3am, wow.) it was fun except that joes girlfriend was all over him the entire night. It rubbed me the wrong way. I don't have any nice words for her. At least she supplied the cigarettes. Greaat. 

Neglect

Feel like shit because my car is falling apart because  I've neglected it 

I think you're pretty.

Can I just say that? I don't know how to talk to pretty girls. 

Peace

I'm finally starting to find some peace of mind in my life. I'm glad that I broke up with Ashley. It's tough, but it was never meant to be. Now that I work two jobs, my free time has become much more precious. I seem to be wasting less time. Or at least I feel as if I am not wasting as much time. I feel better about that 

I cry

When angels deserve to die. 

It's the same thing

Why do I always have to blaze it up!? I waited around anxiously only for weed. I couldn't really enjoy the chilling. Now I am trying to just enjoy chilling. Playing guitar and shit 

I have no desire to write

I feel sad. Ashley and I talked on facebook for a little this morning. It hurt. I smoked cigarettes and they just hurt me. 

Waiting

I'm waiting at the social security office for a new card. I lost mine when I moved and I need it for my new job at autozone! I smoked sooooo much last night and puked up dominoes pizza in the morning. My dad made a comment and of course, I denied it. I love to smoke, but always smoke too much. This morning I smoked half a bowl instead of a full pack, and it was better to only get a little stoned. I bought a new grinder and bowl, so I'm set because I have plenty of bud right now. I always smoke too much too quickly. I will still smoke, just a little bit less lol. Like only after work. What w concept! Why can't I wait and just blaze after work? why do I choose to go against my better judgement ? 

I'm glad I wrote a little bit. Now I'm gonna smoke a cig before I get called up. 

I made the decision to leave her.

There are so many reasons why so I don't know where to begin. 

I told her my feelings through texting, 

And I feel that's wrong. 

I want to see her again to talk and make sure she gets back the expensive bracelet she gave me. My mother is supposed to return it to Ashley. Maybe she will sell it for heroin instead. 

Dabbin

Nuff said 

She left last night

That's it, she just walked out. I'm canceling our date on Friday 

I want to

I'm at work now. Been here since 9 in the morning. I wanna smoke weed. Know I shouldn't. Damn, cravings are real right now. It's only been 2 days since my last toke. Ugh. Complaing like a little bitch here. I'll figure out something else  o relieve the stress 

315

I just came home from the gym. I did squats. I worked up to 315 for a single. My quads are on fire right now. It feels good. I need to work on my back not rounding. I almost got stuck in the middle but I was able to make it through. Just gotta keep squatting. It helped get my mind out of a bad vibe. I just wanna keep writing before I get in the shower. I'm sitting at my desk looking over at my girlfriend sit in bed. Conan o brien is on the tv. who cares. Is it not all an illusion? Sheit, isn't human eyesight just visual illusions formed in the brain? Now that's a stoner thought... 

I took too long to write this so now she got up and is in the bathroom. Guess I gotta wait a minute to shower. Okay probably 15 minutes. Whatever. I've went weeks without showering when I was using

I need to vent

I'm a pothead. A daily toker. It's held me back a lot. I just finished my 8th semester at stony brook university yet I'm not graduating with my peers. This is going to be a nonsensical free write but that's okay. I need a place to vent and I always have my iPhone in my hand so I'll start typing out what I feel. This seems to be going pretty well eh? Much better than handwriting in my journal. My handwriting is terrible! And my hand cramps up when I get to writing too intensely.

 I smoked all my bud yesterday, so I'm dry today. I was about to hit up Kristie, wondering if she had bud so I could smoke it later. Instead I decided to write here. I successfully diverted an urge to smoke. 

PANG!! Only about a trillion more urges to stop. lol.